Is Adoption a Human Rights Issue?

Take a look at this article from The Korea Times on domestic adoption and the large number of children who find themselves in legal limbo.

No ‘Home Sweet Home’ for Adoptees

APs - Prepare to be offended - Par Deux

Harsh, funny, and it does a good job of skewing a lot of the adoption triad PC language. Get past the obvious and you'll see a lot of poignant truth.

(And I always cringe at the "Born in the wrong tummy", "Meant to be" crap. I have no idea what is meant to be. For me or any of my children, bio and adopted. I just know what is and that we all have to find a way of dealing with 'what is', whatever that may be, best we can.)

Bastardly Toy Box

It's Time for a Change

I've been a small business owner for almost 19 years but never afford to pay for health insurance for myself or my staff. (I always depended on my spouse for coverage.)

Today, while my spouse continues to look for enhanced work opportunities, he works at a job that's important, but doesn't pay particularly well - but it offers federal benefits.

So he, like so many others, basically works for the benefits. And that frankly, sucks. I think many of us would start new businesses, go for the gold and gusto, etc. if we knew we wouldn't put ourselves and families at risk of losing the all-important health insurance.

And G-d help you if you have a break in coverage.

I think it's time for a change. Check out the link below and add your boice. It's time for sanity in health care coverage.

Access to Health: An American Values Initiative
We believe access to affordable healthcare is a right - not a privilege.

My baby turns 7

Today my youngest child turns age 7. We had a Sleepover Princess Party for her and a few friends. A first sleepover for all concerned, all went well except for one little girl who at 2:30am decided she didn't like our cat glaring at her. So she and I slept in my little one's room, me in the captain's bed and little friend in her sleeping bag.

I slept awful and awoke to strawberry-banana pancakes, made by hubby, with a raging headache. At almost 51, I'm getting way too old for this #$#%^$%!@.

Or maybe not :=)

Our tradition for our adopted son and daughter is to light an extra candle on their birthday cake in honor of their birth mothers. We light a candle and make a wish and a prayer for their good health. Daughter was too excited to really focus on this with so many gifts to unwrap but I do, and will continue, to try and make real this "shadow" mother in her life.

She is so very real to me. At 4am listening in the dark to the measured breathing of the child not mine in a little pink bedroom, I think about this woman and what brought her to make such a wrenching decision. I think about how different (and not different) daughter's life would have been raised in Korea by her birth parents and/or birth mother.

And I grieve for all, even if daughter herself does not appear to grieve.

Daughter, however, still doesn't seem much interested in any of it. (In contrast to my son who is VERY interested in his Korean parents and wants to know so much more.) She is content in her present. I don't expect it will always be that way, and I'm gearing myself for her particular set of questions, but for now, she is who she is.

Wishing all of you a happy, healthy and peaceful Christmas and Chanukkah. (Another week of gifts ... oh joy!)

Celebrity Adoption - Korea Style

Two related articles about a celebrity couple in Korea adopting a baby girl

Article 1

Article 2

Wretched Excess for 13 year olds

Saw this article in The Washington Post Style Section Today. The wild, over-the-top of Bar and Bat Mitzvah receptions in NYC.

13 and Counting: In N.Y., Bar and Bat Mitzvah Parties Add Up to Lavish, Theatrical Events

And where is G-d in all this tumult? Hiding for sure. Throwing up? Definitely.

In contrast to my co-religionists in the north, we had an extremely modest afternoon luncheon at our home to celebrate our eldest daughter's Bat Mitzvah. Her dad and I were married in that house and it struck me that a reception there, before we moved, made poetic sense. We had about 50 people, and hired a DJ so the kids could dance outside on the deck. The house was shining clean and filled with flowers, the landscaping perfect, the food was great, served well, and family and friends ate, drank and laughed.

It really was perfect. And while not cheap, we didn't sacrifice our retirement nest egg for a 13-year old's party.

Even in our small, relatively working class former congregation, having the reception at home, as opposed to an outside venue, was, shall we say, unusual.

But hey, that's always been part of my abundant charm.

Set your TIVO: SEOUL TRAIN

PBS documentary -- Tuesday, December 13 -- 10PM
Tonight at 10PM, PBS will show the documentary Seoul Train.

In the riveting documentary SEOUL TRAIN, filmmakers Jim Butterworth, Lisa Sleeth and Aaron Lubarsky expose the life-and-death struggle faced by North Koreans who attempt to flee their homeland through China, a country that does not recognize their legal status as refugees.

File under: Sure Why Not, It's About Time

This is something long overdue. Contact your US Congressional Rep and let 'em know.

HR 487: Korean American Day January 13!

FYI, on Tuesday afternoon the House will take up a measure (H.Res. 487) "supporting the goals and ideals of Korean American Day". The resolution was introduced by Tom Davis and has 54 cosponsors.

H.Res. 487 is being considered under "suspension of the rules",
which is an expedited procedure reserved for noncontroversial
measures. A 2/3 vote is required for passage and no amendments are
allowed.

The Senate also has a similar measure (S. Res. 283), introduced by
Sens. George Allen and Dick Durbin. It has yet to be brought up in
committee or on the Senate floor.

Here's the text of the House resolution:

109th CONGRESS
1st Session
H. RES. 487
Supporting the goals and ideals of Korean American Day.
IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES
October 7, 2005
Mr. TOM DAVIS of Virginia (for himself, Mr. RANGEL, Mr. CAPUANO, and
Mr. ROYCE) submitted the following resolution; which was referred to
the Committee on Government Reform
RESOLUTION
Supporting the goals and ideals of Korean American Day.

Whereas the influence of Korean Americans may be observed in all
facets of American life, including entrepreneurship, the arts, and
education;

Whereas on January 13, 1903, 102 pioneer Korean immigrants arrived
in the United States initiating the first chapter of Korean
immigration to America;

Whereas ! the centennial year of 2003 marked an important milestone
in the history of Korean immigration;

Whereas Korean Americans, like other groups of immigrants that came
to the United States before them, have settled and thrived in the
United States through strong family ties, community support, and
hard work;

Whereas Korean Americans have made significant contributions to the
economic vitality of the United States and the global marketplace;

Whereas Korean Americans have invigorated businesses, churches, and
academic communities in the United States;

Whereas Korean Americans have made enormous contributions to the
military strength of the United States;

Whereas today, at least 4,000 Korean Americans serve in the Armed
Forces of the United States, with approximately 25 percent of them
currently serving in Iraq; and

Whereas the Centennial Committees of Korean Immigration and Kore! an
Americans have designated January 13 of each year as `Korean
American Day' to commemorate the first step of the long and
prosperous journey of Korean Americans in the United States: Now,
therefore, be it

Resolved, That the House of Representatives--
(1) supports the goals and ideals of a Korean American Day;
(2) urges all Americans to observe Korean American Day so as to have
a greater appreciation of the invaluable contributions Korean
Americans have made to United States; and
(3) honors and recognizes the 103rd anniversary of the arrival of
the first Korean immigrants to the United States.

Tom Teska - Funny Comic, Angry KAD

I have a thing for comics. (I spent about a year doing stand-up about a million years ago. And yes, I know Jerry Seinfeld. We went to Parkside Junior High School in Massapequa NY. I have the graduation program to prove it, too. Thanks for saving it, Grandma.)

Tom Teska is a very funny guy. He's also an adult Korean adoptee. Here's a sample from his blog. Prepare to be offended. Then read the rest of the blog. Some great stuff.

Tom Teska - South Korea Needs Babies

Korea Single Moms, Divorced or Widowed, and Their Kids - Tough Going

When we wonder why unmarried women in Korea still consider adoption as a viable option, here's another look as to why

Single mothers work, shop, help with homework, and are often challenged by the numerous demands of family life. In the eyes of their children they are often heroes, but in South Korea, single parents are treated with disdain

More birthfamily musings

As I was giving my son his usual nighttime routine - hugs, go get water, drink water, toss cup into trash for 2 points, more hugs - he wanted to know if his birth parents thought about him.

"I know you're never far from your birth mom's thoughts, kiddo, and I know she's not far from yours. Plenty of room to love all your moms (including the transitional foster mom before he joined us.)

"How old would she be now?"

"Around 30 or so."

"She still couldn't raise me?"

"No, honey. She was a young, scared single woman when she had you. Korea makes it very hard for unmarried moms to raise their babies. But she'll always be a mom to you because you carry a piece of her inside you always. But I'm the lucky mom because I got to raise you and watch you grow every day. When we visit Korea in a few years we'll check out your file and see what else we can find out."

"We won't know Korean."

"We'll get a translator to help us."

-- I focused on his birthmom because we have more information. At this point, I'm not sure if birthdad ever knew about the pregnancy. More and more it looks like many time the adoptive parents get a sanitized version of the family history; the harder stuff remains in the file. At age 8 I'm not ready to reveal that part of "I don't know" regarding birth dad.

But I know for sure that no woman who ever gives birth ever stops thinking about her baby. I always want to be honest in the information I have and what my best guesses are, just delivered in an age-appropriate fashion.

During teacher conference, she remarked how relaxed and comfortable my son is in his own skin. Sociable and helpful, friendly and sensitive to others -- she never would have know he was the new boy in school. She also noted his insatiable need to know about people - how they were when children, their favorite shows, foods, etc.

There's no question this "need to know" is reflected in his own musings about who he is.

A biological cause of behavior?

Very interesting article about a recent study of bio vs. adopted children who spent their earliest years in institutional care

A biological cause of behavior?

Very provocative findings.

Finding a place in 2 worlds

Saw this article:

As more Jews adopt, perceptions of Jewish identity change

Strikes me that both families profiled are having trouble finding balance. My 8 year-old describes himself as a Korean-American Jew - so which comes first? The noun or the double modifier?

Race Matters - and a whole lot more.

Yahoo news has a report this morning regarding bullying in schools,
specifically targeting Asians--a distressing read to start the week

Asian Youths Suffer Harassment in Schools

Been hectic!

It's been a hectic few weeks... report cards tomorrow, teacher conferences the following week (oh boy, can't wait for those!), and getting AdoptShoppe fully in gear for the holidays. (Visit when you get a chance. Several new children's books have been added and we just got in our Chinese Baby Shoes Shadowboxes - we're down to just 16 left to sell - very popular last year.)

We went to a bat mitzvah this past weekend, last kid of the original group of 4 who started Torah for Tots when they were all age 3. (Can't believe how fast 10 years goes by.)

Our former rabbi asked us if we made the right choice leaving our old community for the new. My reply? Yes, and every day when I open the Metro section of the Washington Post, I'm convinced even more. We went by our old house. Lawn is overgrown, ankle deep in leaves, dead flowers in the hanging baskets. So much love went into that house for 15 years. Sad to sit it looking shabby when it postively glowed 6 months ago.

Uh oh, I'm getting nostalgic. Sorry.

Another "Why Don't They Get It!" Moment

Article from the Chicago Sun-Times:

Doll 'adoptions' are offensive, say real-life adoption advocates

Amen, Brother.

But my kids are native English speakers!

Wow, what an exciting day. Today, I get notices regarding my first grader and third graders - from the ESOL coordinator!!! Seems like my kids' teachers assumed since the children are adopted, they don't speak English as a first language.

The fact that my kids language arts skills were never in question before didn't enter into the equation.

ARGH!!!

Of course, I informed the ESOL coordinator that it would have been better to have the teacher or herself speak with me personally to find out why my 3rd grader is a creative speller or forgets to make capital letters at the beginning of a sentence sometimes ... or why my first grader (barely first grade) still doesn't know all of her punctuation. Or maybe their former county school system, albeit not at the quality where we're at now, didn't stress this in previous grades.

I told the ESOL teacher my kids didn't qualify and shouldn't take up spaces for kids who really need the enrishment. My son needs to learn how to spell better, so he will. My daughter will need to write more clearly, so we'll practice together.

And next time, I told her, call me before you send any notes home.

Friends, be prepared for a raft of assumptions about your family and your children. Be prepared to be your children's strongest advocates. Even in the best school systems, you will indeed be called to battle stereotypes, assumptions, what have you based on your children's race and adoptedness.

Adopt a Staffer? Honey, I Don't Think So...

My oldest child's middle school has an "Adopt A Staff Person" program. I probably don't need to tell you what I think about that. So of course, I whipped on back a quick reply as to why it was an inappropriate use of the term.

I heard back today. Here's a snippet from the committee chair's reply.

<<>>

Yikes. My response:

As a marketing writer and a mom to 3 children, 2 of whom were adopted from Korea and attend the elementary school next door, I know that the term adoption can be used in many contexts. It doesn't mean, however, that we can't change our terminology. Ethnic groups are an example of how terminology can evolve to something more sensitive, culturally aware. I believe adoption terms can and should also evolve. Especially when its easy to use "sponsorship" or "support" instead of adoption when used to describe programs such as yours. It's also far more accurate.

I would venture that there are numerous adoptive families -- as well as those students who are also adoptees -- who would applaud this small change in terminology. It might also encourage increased participation by even more families. Myself and our family included.

Words are powerful tools. They can hurt and heal. Encourage and discourage. Uplift and debase. But rarely are they neutral. I'd ask that the PTA and appropriate committees consider how they can do the better, the more inclusive, and even the more accurate thing by revising your program's name accordingly.

Again, I appreciate your consideration and the time you took to respond to my concerns.

And so it goes...

Triplet of Adoption Articles

This was mentioned on one of the many adoption listgroups I belong to. All the articles are extremely well-written and thought-provoking.

Do check out the one on Korean Adoptees and the one on Yunona, which represents one of the worst adoption "bottom-feeders" out there. You can read that for yourself, too.

From American RadioWorks

Unwed Mom Stats from Korea

As reported by The Korea Times...

Six Become Mothers Out of Wedlock a Day

I liked the fact that domestic adoption within Korea is increasing. But clearly, over 70% of these single moms are, for whatever reason, deciding to make their children available for adoption rather than parent themselves.