Saturday, November 26, 2005

More birthfamily musings

As I was giving my son his usual nighttime routine - hugs, go get water, drink water, toss cup into trash for 2 points, more hugs - he wanted to know if his birth parents thought about him.

"I know you're never far from your birth mom's thoughts, kiddo, and I know she's not far from yours. Plenty of room to love all your moms (including the transitional foster mom before he joined us.)

"How old would she be now?"

"Around 30 or so."

"She still couldn't raise me?"

"No, honey. She was a young, scared single woman when she had you. Korea makes it very hard for unmarried moms to raise their babies. But she'll always be a mom to you because you carry a piece of her inside you always. But I'm the lucky mom because I got to raise you and watch you grow every day. When we visit Korea in a few years we'll check out your file and see what else we can find out."

"We won't know Korean."

"We'll get a translator to help us."

-- I focused on his birthmom because we have more information. At this point, I'm not sure if birthdad ever knew about the pregnancy. More and more it looks like many time the adoptive parents get a sanitized version of the family history; the harder stuff remains in the file. At age 8 I'm not ready to reveal that part of "I don't know" regarding birth dad.

But I know for sure that no woman who ever gives birth ever stops thinking about her baby. I always want to be honest in the information I have and what my best guesses are, just delivered in an age-appropriate fashion.

During teacher conference, she remarked how relaxed and comfortable my son is in his own skin. Sociable and helpful, friendly and sensitive to others -- she never would have know he was the new boy in school. She also noted his insatiable need to know about people - how they were when children, their favorite shows, foods, etc.

There's no question this "need to know" is reflected in his own musings about who he is.

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

A biological cause of behavior?

Very interesting article about a recent study of bio vs. adopted children who spent their earliest years in institutional care

A biological cause of behavior?

Very provocative findings.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Finding a place in 2 worlds

Saw this article:

As more Jews adopt, perceptions of Jewish identity change

Strikes me that both families profiled are having trouble finding balance. My 8 year-old describes himself as a Korean-American Jew - so which comes first? The noun or the double modifier?

Monday, November 14, 2005

Race Matters - and a whole lot more.

Yahoo news has a report this morning regarding bullying in schools,
specifically targeting Asians--a distressing read to start the week

Asian Youths Suffer Harassment in Schools

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Been hectic!

It's been a hectic few weeks... report cards tomorrow, teacher conferences the following week (oh boy, can't wait for those!), and getting AdoptShoppe fully in gear for the holidays. (Visit when you get a chance. Several new children's books have been added and we just got in our Chinese Baby Shoes Shadowboxes - we're down to just 16 left to sell - very popular last year.)

We went to a bat mitzvah this past weekend, last kid of the original group of 4 who started Torah for Tots when they were all age 3. (Can't believe how fast 10 years goes by.)

Our former rabbi asked us if we made the right choice leaving our old community for the new. My reply? Yes, and every day when I open the Metro section of the Washington Post, I'm convinced even more. We went by our old house. Lawn is overgrown, ankle deep in leaves, dead flowers in the hanging baskets. So much love went into that house for 15 years. Sad to sit it looking shabby when it postively glowed 6 months ago.

Uh oh, I'm getting nostalgic. Sorry.