Adoption.com says "No!" to California families

I saw this post on the Family Pride blog and thought it was newsworthy enough to share here. (Korea has always restricted its international adoption activity to traditional 2-parent families, although domestic law now allows singles to adopt.) I found the legal wrangling interesting.

adoption.com shows its true colors

My personal viewpoint? Kids need loving families, period. If 2 moms or 2 dads or single moms/dads are willing to do the classes and coursework, the homestudy, the various federal/state/county investigations and interviews - and pass - then why not open up the pool to more qualified families.

The fact that Adoption.com and its affiliate would prefer to pull out of California rather than comply with state statute is sad for prospective California parents, gay or straight, and kids waiting for nurturing, stable homes.

A Baby Naming & A Tol Celebration

I read this beautiful essay, Challah and Rice Cakes, in this month's issue of Interfaith Family. A familiy celebrates the first birthday of their Korean-born daughter and officially and formally welcomes her to the Jewish community.

Enjoy!

Flickering Motherhood - Korean Birthmoms Online Community

I saw this multi-part essay mentioned on one of the Korean Adoptee Egroups. It's a bit of a dense read, very academic style, and it does have a strong feminist orientation, but it's worth the effort.

A Flickering MotherhoodKorean Birthmothers' Internet Community

Thoughts Potpourri on Mother's Day 2007

As many of you may have noticed, I took a blogging breather for quite a few months. Longer than I had anticipated actually. With so much going on in my personal and professional life -- and in the larger world outside my doors -- I had much to say, yet I just didn't have the heart at the time to share.

With only 24 hours in a day, once you eliminate that 3-4 hours of restless sleep :=) , there's only so much time to get everything done. (And I'm still finding excuses not to dust my bedroom or clean the jacuzzi tub.)

In a multi-titled, multi-tasking world, sometimes you have to choose one to push forward.

I have spent the last few months concentrating more on my professional life. I'm a marketing consultant/strategist/copywriter by primary trade and I needed to spend more time pumping effort into the work that helps keep my family financially afloat. It's been good and with much time devoted to my business blog, The Copywriting Maven, I've been able to attract interest and the occasional new client.

But today is Mother's Day. My eldest child, the one born to me, made me a mother for the first time 15 years ago. She was born two days before Mother's Day - a tremendous gift. Now fully engaged in her teens, she is my "experimental model" and I succeed and fail and learn with her as my guide.

My youngest children, now 8 and 9, are the children, to use the familiar phrase, born in my heart. They get the benefit of a more experienced mother with every phase except when it comes to the unknowables of their hearts where moms and sometimes dad - birth and adoptive - reside. Where there are only questions and ponderables and specifics hard to find.

Together, they and I, muddle through.

At almost 10, my son seeks my hugs and kisses but not in public. One of my favorite teases is to kiss and hug him goodnight -- and then threaten to call one of his friends with, "Hi James, this is Spence's Mom, I'm giving him a humongous hug right now!" Spence tells me I'm his bestest mom, but I'm not the only mom. And he is more than right.

And I think of my children's first moms and of my own mom who died physically in 1999 but whose zesty spirit was stolen by depression years before.

What my youngest children and I share is the puzzlement and deep ache of "what if, what could have been." It is a sad and solitary pondering that I only allow myself to indulge in rarely. I much prefer the world of "what is and what could be."

Sometimes it's good just to shut up and listen.

I've been a reader of other voices in the adoption world these past several months. I've left the heavy lifting to others whose eloquence and bravery puts my comfortable glibness to shame. Just check out the blogroll at Third Mom and you'll see what I mean. Spend time with these articulate "first and subsequent" moms. Take a deep breath and read the full-spectrum of prose and poetry written by adoptees themselves.

Prepare to be shaken to the core and be ready to reconstitute yourself a little smarter and a lot more humble. You'll be a better parent, I promise you.

When the nurse first handed me my daughter, all cleaned up, swaddled tight and sporting a little striped cap, I thought, "Whoa, how am I going to do this?" Frankly, after 15 years and 3 kids later, I still wake up everyday with the same question.

But I do. Learning from others and trusting my instincts and learning not to be afraid of failing from time to time, I do muddle through. And when I don't? My children forgive me.

And so will yours.

Happy Mother's Day to us all today.