It's a girl thing -- or maybe not

My youngest kids, son and daughter, go to a local Tae Kwan Do (karate) school. They both started as "no belts" through an after-school program. School instruction is lead by a young man, mid 20s is my guess, who I'm guessing is a Korean-born native. (Very slight accent which I always notice since so many in my own family were foreign born and speak with accents.) He is an excellent instructor overall and my kids adore him.

Son has really taken to the program. He loves it and is good at it. He's strong and a little bit lumbering, but he's a thoughtful fighter. Daughter likes to do what brother does, so while she lacks the passion, she makes up for it in determination. She is petite but powerful and can do boy push-ups like nobody's business. She's also quite elegant as she moves through her forms and she's not afraid to mix it up while sparring.

They recently tested for their second "stripe or tip" on their while belts, last stop on their way to yellow belt status. Both were fully geared up for testing. My son was ready, wasn't sure about daughter.

So they both tested. Son did fine, tho he fell during one of his forms. He got his tip. Daughter didn't know her student creed or the order of the forms but did fine through everything else. I didn't think she'd get her tip (and she didn't), but what interested me was the instructor's response.

He was much more encouraging of my son through the testing process than my daughter, even with the fall. When daughter tested, he seemed more strict, less accommodating. His approach to her a bit harsher when she failed to pass. All subtle, but both hubby and I noticed it. (Daughter is also a crier and although he had her back to me, I knew we were in for the full waterworks when I watched her nod her head and pull her hair a bit furiously while being talked to. Instructor looked uncomfortable with her tears and didn't look at her again for the remaining session.)

So I wondered what I was actually watching. Did I see a bit of that Asian/Korean cultural thing about the value of girls being less than boys? I see it a lot at our local Chinese restaurant where we've known the owners since they opened. They continue to fawn over son, call him by name and while friendly, it's not the same over daughter. (And I can't think of a time they have called her by name.) It was all very subtle, but I saw it clear as day. (And if my hubby saw it, it was a neon sign.)

I'm also thinking about our move to a new part of Maryland which, as one its features, has a larger Asian-American population, especially Korean. I think about the KA community and their reaction to my KADs (Korean adoptees) (and not only KADs, but Jewish KADs.) In this world, my children's adopted-ness will most likely take first seat to their Asian-ness.

To paraphrase Barbie, "This adoptive parenting stuff is hard." The subtle interplay of race, culture, circumstances of birth, family status, gender roles, faith - which leads and when. And I can only guide, I can't protect - especially as my children get older.

Potty-training was easier.