Bonding & Attaching with your adopted child from Korea

Lots of parents who adopt from Korea may mistakenly believe that they and their children are somehow completely immune from attachment issues. Thinking that because the majority of our children live with foster families in a more personal and intimate setting that the children are magically protected.

Truth is most children will grieve their initial loss of the people and environment they leave, even infants, but generally most children will securely attach over time with their adoptive families. Our youngest daughter arrived at 4 months of age. She was mad and outraged at her upheaval. It took several months to coax her out of her anger. I often thought that G-d was good, since I was already an experienced mother who knew not to take my little peanut's wrath personally. She was just royally pissed off. In time, she began to trust her permanence, my permanence in her life. Today she is a happy, confident and well-attached little girl.

But some children do get stuck in their grief and confusion and do not securely attach.

This information is for those parents who may be struggling with this thinking "Korean children don't suffer attachment disorders." There is a new Yahoo Group, Attach Korea you may want to investigate. This group is for those parents dealing with moderate to serious attachment issues. (Be prepared to prove it, too.)

But for general information, here are some recommendations provided by parents themselves struggling with attachment issues:

BOOKS (** you can find these at AdoptShoppe)

• Different But Equal,by Patricia McLaughlin
• Toddler Adoption: The Weavers Craft, by Mary Hopkins-Best **
  
• With Eyes Wide Open, published by Children's Home Society of Minnesota **
  
• Adopting the Hurt Child: Hope for Families With Special-Needs Kids, a Guide for Parents and Professionals, Gregory C. Keck, Regina Kupecky
• Helping Children Cope With Separation and Loss, Claudia Jewett
• Holding Time, Martha Welch
• Raising Your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy-Kurcinka
• When Love is Not Enough, Nancy Thomas
• Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today's Parents, Deborah Gray **
  
• Parenting the Hurt Child, Gregory C. Keck, Regina Kupecky
• Becoming Attached, Robert Karen
• Parenting With Love and Logic, Foster Cline, M.D. and Jim Kay
• The Out-of-Sync Child, Carol Stock-Kranowitz
• Parenting Your Adopted Older Child, Brenda McCreight, Ph.D.
• Our Own: Parenting the Adopted Older Child, Trish Maskew **
  

Here are also two sites with excellent information:

A 4Ever Family
(started by someone on the Korean-Attach list)
http://www.a4everfamily.org

Attach-China
http://www.attach-china.org

Don't be afraid or ashamed to admit when you could use some help.
Get the information and support you, your child and your family needs.