I turn 52 next month. I've been a parent for over 14 years now. I've spent the last 10 walking my kids to and from the elementary school bus stop. Where we used to live, I was one of two parents who made the daily trip. In our new community, I am one of half-a-dozen or so parents who escort their little cherubs on and off the bus.
Yet, I remain the only parent who "parents" the kids whose parents aren't there. I'm the mom who reminds a child to zip a jacket or ask him where his jacket is when the weather turns cold. (Sometimes I even do the zipping.) I'm the mom who yells, "Nobody move until the bus stops completely" before the kids start swarming the morning bus. And I'm the mom who tells the kids, including my own, to get off the neighbor's lawn so he'll have something green come Spring.
The other moms are nice people. I enjoy speaking with them. But they don't engage anyone else's child but their own. (I even heard one mom mutter, "I don't care. He's not mine.")
There's no question in my mind that my behavior is rooted in my 1950s/1960s upbringing where every mom on my block parented every child on the block. That's what grown-ups did back then. It was part of the job.
But not today, not anymore. I suppose I do this a little out of fear. G-d forbid a child should slide under a bus wheel while on my "watch" -- how could I live with myself if that were to happen? Tell the cops it wasn't my job since it wasn't my kid?
So, I've accepted that this job is simply part of my overall karma. I am the bus stop monitor who zips jackets, and wipes noses, and keeps kids off the neighbor's grass. I will be out there, rain or shine, until my youngest no longer rides the elementary school bus. That's 3 years from now.
Will there be another mom to take my place when my job concludes? You tell me.
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5 comments:
It's a brave new world out there, and it scares the crap out of me. I don't know when simple civility and responsibility went out of vogue, but I can't find them too many places.
Here's hoping that some of those careless moms are watching you, Roberta, and learning.
We are living in a hard world - not that it hasn't been hard at other times in history, but it seems strange to me that as we make great strides in technology, medicine and the like, our behavior doesn't seen to keep up with the advanced. I don't know where it comes from, but I agree with you that it's there.
You seem overprotective - which isn't always a bad thing.
I don't know where you grew up or what job you have as a professional but some parents just do not have time to take care of their own kids. Most parents love their kids - but some honestly just do not have time. My parents are 58, respectively, so were probably raised around the same time you were - but things sound way different for me.
Moreover, some parents have to work 3 jobs. It's like voting. People who have all this extra time go out on the streets and harrass people to vote . Sometimes they forget that some people have to work 3 jobs, take care of their family, cook, and don't exactly have time to worry about politics.
Speaking from experience,
Rae (Korean adopted, 19)
Roberta, I hear you. I also have to say, though, that I don't think it's your age. I'm the same way with my children -and with other people's children - and I'm 29. I'm constantly waiting for that upset parent to yell at me for "disciplining" their child. I don't touch - but I will speak up if a child is in (possible) danger, whether it's mine or someone else's. DH and I often lament that people no longer care about anyone but themselves...
I just found your blog, and wanted to say thank you. I, too am that mom. Sometimes I feel "funny" being the only one parenting others kids, but I appreciated reading your thoughts.
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