Another "Why Don't They Get It!" Moment

Article from the Chicago Sun-Times:

Doll 'adoptions' are offensive, say real-life adoption advocates

Amen, Brother.

But my kids are native English speakers!

Wow, what an exciting day. Today, I get notices regarding my first grader and third graders - from the ESOL coordinator!!! Seems like my kids' teachers assumed since the children are adopted, they don't speak English as a first language.

The fact that my kids language arts skills were never in question before didn't enter into the equation.

ARGH!!!

Of course, I informed the ESOL coordinator that it would have been better to have the teacher or herself speak with me personally to find out why my 3rd grader is a creative speller or forgets to make capital letters at the beginning of a sentence sometimes ... or why my first grader (barely first grade) still doesn't know all of her punctuation. Or maybe their former county school system, albeit not at the quality where we're at now, didn't stress this in previous grades.

I told the ESOL teacher my kids didn't qualify and shouldn't take up spaces for kids who really need the enrishment. My son needs to learn how to spell better, so he will. My daughter will need to write more clearly, so we'll practice together.

And next time, I told her, call me before you send any notes home.

Friends, be prepared for a raft of assumptions about your family and your children. Be prepared to be your children's strongest advocates. Even in the best school systems, you will indeed be called to battle stereotypes, assumptions, what have you based on your children's race and adoptedness.

Adopt a Staffer? Honey, I Don't Think So...

My oldest child's middle school has an "Adopt A Staff Person" program. I probably don't need to tell you what I think about that. So of course, I whipped on back a quick reply as to why it was an inappropriate use of the term.

I heard back today. Here's a snippet from the committee chair's reply.

<<>>

Yikes. My response:

As a marketing writer and a mom to 3 children, 2 of whom were adopted from Korea and attend the elementary school next door, I know that the term adoption can be used in many contexts. It doesn't mean, however, that we can't change our terminology. Ethnic groups are an example of how terminology can evolve to something more sensitive, culturally aware. I believe adoption terms can and should also evolve. Especially when its easy to use "sponsorship" or "support" instead of adoption when used to describe programs such as yours. It's also far more accurate.

I would venture that there are numerous adoptive families -- as well as those students who are also adoptees -- who would applaud this small change in terminology. It might also encourage increased participation by even more families. Myself and our family included.

Words are powerful tools. They can hurt and heal. Encourage and discourage. Uplift and debase. But rarely are they neutral. I'd ask that the PTA and appropriate committees consider how they can do the better, the more inclusive, and even the more accurate thing by revising your program's name accordingly.

Again, I appreciate your consideration and the time you took to respond to my concerns.

And so it goes...

Triplet of Adoption Articles

This was mentioned on one of the many adoption listgroups I belong to. All the articles are extremely well-written and thought-provoking.

Do check out the one on Korean Adoptees and the one on Yunona, which represents one of the worst adoption "bottom-feeders" out there. You can read that for yourself, too.

From American RadioWorks

Unwed Mom Stats from Korea

As reported by The Korea Times...

Six Become Mothers Out of Wedlock a Day

I liked the fact that domestic adoption within Korea is increasing. But clearly, over 70% of these single moms are, for whatever reason, deciding to make their children available for adoption rather than parent themselves.

Jewish Tao

In honor of the High Holidays, some examples of Jewish Tao (I didn't write these, but I do think they're clever.)

The Torah says,"Love thy neighbor as thyself."
The Buddha says there is no "self."
So, maybe you are off the hook.

==========================

Be here now.
Be someplace else later.
Call your mother

==========================

There is no escaping karma.
In a previous life, you never called,
you never wrote, you never visited.
And whose fault was that?

Feel free to pass them along to your favorite philosopher.

Wishes for a sweet, happy, and peaceful New Year!

On Rosh Hashanah, we celebrate the birthday of the world. It's a time of personal reflection, repentence, and renewal. I wish you all a joyous, healthy New Year and that G-d write us all in the Book of Life for yet another year.

Who knew it could be so easy?

From the NY Times. You don't have to be Jewish to well, look for hope in all kinds of places...

Fertile Blessings Indeed

I prefer my blessings come from live saints, but hey, what do I know?

Article from "Inside China"

You will be discomforted by this article and there's a lot of context that the author simply misses, but try to read between the lines and get a sense of what the Chinese folks themselves really feel.

INSIDE CHINA: CHINESE TAKEAWAYSDay 1 .. the American child adoption factory
From Anton Antonowicz In Guangzhou, China
BREAKFAST ends at the White Swan Hotel and it is time for a group photograph. There are 21 adults, all beaming. And 11 baby girls, all Chinese.

Instant families courtesy of the White Swan Express.

=================================

Want to help fund an adoption film?

Looks like this could be worth your while and support:

What is the Adoption Project?

Adoption: An American Revolution is a major multimedia project that will explore how transformations taking place in adoption today are having far-reaching effects on all our public and private lives.

The centerpiece of the project will be a two-hour documentary special for national public broadcasting. The documentary will feature a rich tapestry of original stories, illuminating the joys, the challenges and the impact of adoption.

The television broadcast will be linked to an ambitious adoption education effort, with innovative adoption-related materials for public libraries and schools, a new Web site with adoption resources, and more.

Poignant Article by Dan Savage

From the NY Times this past week

DJ's Homeless Mommy

Thoughtful, incisive, painful and real.

This could be about any of our Korean-born sons and daughters

Although international adoption has brought me two blessings of the most wonderful kind, I have remained ambivalent about Korea's general domestic social welfare response to poverty and single parenthood. It's changing, but change is slow.

Check out this article from SFGate.com:

Korean-born in U.S. return to a home they never knew
Many locate lost families, others work to change international adoption policy

Note the thread about racial isolation.

Now that she's almost 7...

My youngest daughter will be 7 in December. She's now at the age where she's beginning to understand that to be with her adoptive family ** now ** there is birth family who was unable to take care of her and keep her ** then **.

Last night, as she was getting ready to close her eyes and we spent a few quiet moments in the dark together, she heard my son say he saw another shooting star. (We live close to an airport. I think he sees planes, but that's another story.)

Daughter says, "I think Brother made a wish about his birth mom." "Really," I replied. "What kind of wish do you think he made?" But she didn't respond. Then she looked at me and started to say, "Why didn't my birth mom keep ..." and then she immediately rephrased, "Why couldn't my birth mom take care of me?"

We spoke about the reasons why a birth mom couldn't take care of a little baby and why sometimes a different family is needed. I also mentioned that it's okay to love your birth mom and your "lucky" mom (that's me) all together. She never has to make a choice. There's plenty love enough to go around.

That was good enough to sleep on.

It was interesting to me to watch her process the information and change "why didn't she keep me" to "why couldn't she take care of me".

Maybe I'm doing a little something right, at least for now.

More than a week past the horror

I won't go on and on about the past week ... the stupidity, the ineptitude, the pissing contests between the feds/state/local governments. Much has already been written.

But hey, when Barbara Bush thinks dem po' black folks are doing better living in the Astrodome than in their own homes, I just have to let you see this blog entry from The Nation.

And for a timeline of the criminal stupidity, here's how wikipedia details it.

What's race and even more importantly economic class got to do with it? Just everything.

When there are no words...

There have been, are, and will be many rivers of blog entries on the devastation of New Orleans and the other Gulf Coast areas.

I, however, can only weep and wonder why G-d stepped out for his smoke break at precisely the wrong time.

I watch the pictures and every child is my child, every parent is me, and as I watch the hungry and haunted move throughout the flood-swollen streets I think how thin our veneer of civilization. In a moment, the richest amongst us and the poorest are reduced to the same squalor and devastation. To my thinking, this is a picture of how the world could end if we're not a whole lot smarter.

I am profoundly sad but since I have the means, I've given my share to the Red Cross to aid in the clean-up and recovery. I urge you to do the same, whether it's the Red Cross or another organization.

If you have a roof over your head tonite, clean water to drink and enough food to eat, trot on over to redcross.org and send 'em what you can. If nothing else, we can restore a little of the gloss to the veneer.

Adopt a staff member?

This will be a short one ... kids just started school today and I have writer's cramp from filling out tens of forms. But one little item caught my eye.

On one of numerous sheets, there was notice of an Adopt A Staff Member at the kids' elementary school. The idea is to adopt a staff member and send them little gifts, cards, etc for their morale. (Hey, I'd like some more of that kinda thing, too. Who wouldn't.)

But the use of adopt in this case, of course, didn't set well with me. So I filled out the form with an arrow for the reader to see my remarks on the back. I explained that as an adoptive mom the use of adopt/adoption in this case was offensive. I'll be happy to sponsor, support, hug and kiss a staff member if they so choose, but please don't use adoption in this context.

I signed it with my email and phone #. I'm sure when it's read I'll go straight to the PIA Parent List with a gold star by my name.

Ask me if I care. Really, ask me. Puh-leeeeeeze.

:=)

Slowly pulling my life back together

Well, with excrutiating slowness, life is beginning to resemble some form of normalcy ... I'm getting my Washington Post in the morning, have cable again (with the nifty digital on-demand thing), and after wanting to hit my head repeatedly on the wall waiting for Verizon to install my DSL only to be told they don't know when they can because the central office is full, I got a cable modem.

Of course, the first one was defective. Got a new one and wow, I'm back in business. (You can't do business in a dial-up environment anymore. Don't even try.)

My house, however, is still a mess.

Kids are registered for school (after providing sheets and sheets of proof and documentation that yes, we live here. Really.) which starts on Monday. Thursday am orientation for my middle schooler. Friday afternoon orientation for my youngest 2.

Tonite we go to Staples for supplies and eat pizza.

Lots of adoption/racial things floating around my head as of late. I'll be back in a few days to discuss.

Longest week of my life

Finally, finally, finally ... after 3 trucks and 2x a day (sometimes 3x a day) trips between the old place and the new -- we're home in our new place. Phones are screwed up and my DSL won't be installed until Thursday evening.

This dial-up thing bites.

Met one neighbor. Quiet, loves his garden, and has a daughter the same age as my eldest so she has someone to walk to the bus stop with (in the very least, we'll know where the bus stop is.)

After 25 years of knowing where everything was in my previous community, exploring again is exciting and nerve wracking.

Be back in a few days.

Moving Day!

Well, tomorrow is the day ... the big move with the big burly guys and the 2 big trucks. Said good-bye to the ladies at the post office, said goodbye to our Rabbi, and said goodbye to the owners of our favorite Chinese restaurant.

I'll be back in a few days (if Verizon gets our promised phone service up and running. Was supposed to be today, but ... ) and let you know how it goes. (We haven't met any of our neighbors yet, but we hear there are several kids close to our kids' ages.

Here's hoping so.

Did you know that Steve Jobs was adopted? Me either...

Here's an excerpt from his commencement address at Stanford University. Note the information about his birth mother and the circumstances of his adoption.

===========================================
(excerpted from Steve Jobs' commencement speech, June
2005 at Stanford University):

I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months,
but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months
or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?

It started before I was born. My biological mother was a
young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to
put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I
should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was
all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his
wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the
last minute that they really wanted a girl.

So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in
the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected
baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course."

My biological mother later found out that my mother had
never graduated from college and that my father had never
graduated from high school.

She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only
relented a few months later when my parents promised that
I would someday go to college.

And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively
chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford,
and all of my working-class parents' savings were being
spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't
see the value in it.

I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no
idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And
here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved
their entire life.

So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work
out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back
it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute
I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes
that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the
ones that looked interesting.

It wasn't all romantic.

I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in
friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢
deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles
across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a
week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of
what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and
intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me
give you one example:

Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best
calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the
campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was
beautifully hand-ornamented with calligraphy.

Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the
normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to
learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif
typefaces, about varying the amount of space between
different letter combinations, about what makes great
typography great.

It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a
way that science can't capture, and I found it
fascinating.

None of this had even a hope of any practical application
in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing
the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And
we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first
computer with beautiful typography.

If I had never dropped in on that single course in
college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces
or proportionally spaced fonts.

And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no
personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped
out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy
class, and personal computers might not have the
wonderful typography that they do.

Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking
forward when I was in college. But it was very, very
clear looking backwards ten years later.

Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you
can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to
trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.
You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life,
karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and
it has made all the difference in my life.

=====================================

Thoughts?