Dear Amy - My family is using their shower to raise adoption funds

From Newsday...

Baby shower can't finance adoption

Roberta's Note: I personally hate the idea of trolling for funds. This isn't the same as the expectant grandparents offering a special gift. This isn't the same as working a second job or cutting back expenses or making something to sell something.

Those are all generally fine to my way of thinking.

But the blatant, naked call for funds - Help us bring little BooBoo home - gives me the creepy crawleys. (I know very few folks who troll to fund IVF. "My eggs suck, help me find and bake new eggs. Send $$$ to PayPal.")

Before folks commit to adoption, they need to have a legitimate funding plan in advance. Not that you need to have all the $$ upfront, but you do need to be able to say, "Ok, total fees are X. We have Y. We will need to fund through Z, and AA, BB, CC over a XX month period."

It may take a village to raise a child, but via birth or adoption, making a family should be a private matter. Otherwise adoption veers dangerously close to an act of charity far and beyond the desire to parent.