Ann Tyler's New Book

I was going to write a weepy, sentimental retrospective in celebration of my youngest's daughter's arrival day from Korea seven years ago today. I promise, it would have made you go running for the Puffs box.

However, in today's Washington Post Book World, there's a review of Ann Tyler's new book, Digging to America. A story of two families living in Baltimore who meet while awaiting the arrival of their new Korean-born baby daughters. The kicker is that one of families are Iranian-Americans.

Here's the review.
Here's the first few chapters.

I haven't read Ann Tyler (*I'm more of a non-fiction kind of gal - ask me about The Great Influenza, a totally spectacular read about the 1918 flu pandemic.*), but now I just might.

If you're an Ann Tyler fan, I'd love your contribution on this thread.

As we celebrate both Passover and Easter

I wanted to share with you a very well-written article about religion today. I was very moved and hope you'll find it of value. Happy Holidays all!

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From Wednesday's Philadelphia Inquirer and Baltimore Sun

Reinventing 'religion' in America
By Scott M. Korb and Leon A. Morris
April 12, 2006

In the Book of Exodus, after hearing God's voice and with Moses on Mount Sinai receiving the Ten Commandments, the ancient Israelites create and worship a golden calf, proclaiming, "This is our God."
An angry Moses breaks the stone tablets when he descends to the foot of the mountain. According to the early 20th century commentator Rabbi Meir Simcha Hacohen of what then was Dvinsk, Russia, Moses' shattering of the tablets was not an act of anger. Moses saw that if the people could turn a golden calf into an object of worship, they would likely do the same with the tablets. Faith itself could become an idol.

Today, faith is less threatened by the overriding secular forces in the world than by religion. Religion is increasingly becoming the product of its own undoing. Religiosity is often too narrowly identified with the realm of ritual practice alone - things such as Jews keeping kosher and Catholics showing up on Sunday for Mass - no small commitments, we admit, but only a partial and incomplete notion of religious devotion.

To be less generous, religion is more and more equated with closed-mindedness, triumphalism and, often, violent extremism. And in seeming response, some Americans have become more comfortable defining themselves as "spiritual" rather than "religious."

They build a faith that is tailor-made for themselves and their families rather than subscribe to a set of inherited principles that they imagine to be fundamentally dangerous. They keep their distance from the fanatics. And yet even those believers who feel comfortable calling themselves "religious" have begun to shape an eclectic and individualized set of beliefs that are ever more therapeutic and materialistic.

In each of these cases, the most central notions of our faiths - such as the dignity of our neighbor, created in God's image - are somehow cast aside as less central. We find distressing the results of the National Survey of Youth and Religion, published last year, which show that previously key elements of our religious imagination - repentance, selflessness, social justice, self-discipline, self-sacrifice and humility, for example - no longer hold a prominent place.

Worse, for too many, the hatred and violence we see escalating every day in the name of religion have created additional reasons for youths and others to reject such ethical values, seeing them as too intimately connected with the violent means that some believe will establish God's kingdom on Earth.

We desperately need new ways to think about what it means to be "religious." Hundreds of religious movements have articulated what might be considered liberal positions over the centuries with great profundity, yet, in large part, especially among progressives, religiosity remains synonymous with fanaticism and extremism. Today, those liberal notions of religiosity have failed to elicit sufficient passion; vibrant communities of faith that embody these ideals are rare.

As devoted members of long-standing faith traditions, we find it both unnecessary and undesirable to abandon our institutions, communities and sacred Scriptures to stake out a position of faith that is liberal and humanistic. Judaism, Christianity and Islam - indeed, all religious traditions - have the capacity to bring about more good than bad, more peace than violence, more universalism than chauvinism, if we understand them, and religious duty, in different ways.

As Jews and Christians approach the festivals of Passover and Easter, there is an opportunity to read even our central stories in ways that can smash the idols currently governing religious belief in the U.S.

The Exodus, for example, is about physical and spiritual liberation. As such, it informs how we treat the stranger and denies the deification of human leaders. As ritualized in the Passover Seder, it speaks of the power of story itself and how words can form a chain that links a hundred generations into a single narrative told over a single meal.

For Christians, the Resurrection is about finding peace through long suffering and new life in what seems like death. As ritualized throughout Holy Week, it speaks of our hope for justice in the midst of tyranny.

If religion has been, at least in part, the source of its own destruction in this new century, we believe it can also be the source of its renewal. Faith can be more about meaning than truth. It can celebrate difference as part of God's ethical will. It can read Scriptures seriously if not literally. It can welcome tension and dialectic.

This Passover and this Easter, it is religion itself that needs to be liberated and raised from the dead. Our stories can lead the way.

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Scott M. Korb, a Roman Catholic, is co-author of the forthcoming "The Faith Between Us." Rabbi Leon A. Morris is director of the Skirball Center for Adult Jewish Learning at Temple Emanu-El in New York City. Their e-mails are smk@ajprint.net and leon@adultjewishlearning.org.

Hines Ward - African-American & Korean - Unlikely Hero

Two articles from the Korean media ...

KOREA HERALD

[EDITORIAL]Racism and prejudice

ASIA TIMES

'Mixed blood' Korean heroes

Playing Catch-Up, My Bad

Mea culpa! If you're a fan (well, of course you are. Otherwise, why are you reading this?) As John Lennon said, life is what happens while you're busy making other plans. Been a load of things happening on the home and workfronts (all good), so I'm playing a little catch-up. Here's a list in no particular order of what's been racking my brain:

** Clueless APs (adoptive parents) send numerous nastygrams to KAD (Korean Adoptee) blog for having the audacity to share her thoughts, all witty, wise, and good to hear, even when they discomfit.

** Jessica Simpson wants to adopt a baby. (Hey Jessica, you ain't Angelina, you ain't Meg Ryan. Please, please, please, see how things go with taking care of a goldfish first.)

** Another AP on another board had to go toe-to-toe with a clueless school principal about racial taunting, name-calling, etc directed at her son on the bus. Catholic school, no less. She even brought her priest. "Boys will be boys, your son better get used to it." and words to that effect said the principal. Friend found another school. I would have first filed a lawsuit, then found another school.

Glad The Sopranos are back for a new season. I need the hour of mayhem to make myself calm down. More to come in April, I promise.

Ladybugs - a menace?

As you may or may not know, the ladybug has become something of a mascot for the China Adoption Community portending good luck, the imminent arrival of referrals, etc. (We don't have anything like this in the Korea Adoption community. Maybe we need something.)

In any case, it appears that ladybug allergies are quite real and right up there with cat and cockroach allergies.

Here's the CNN article. (After reading this, you'll never feel quite so sanguine about finding a ladybug in your house.)

Ladybug allergy bugs more people

Link to Mentioned Article

Here's the link to the Washington Post article mentioned below.

Mother Admits Killing Daughter

this and this - and something outstanding

It's been a while since I last posted. In that time, an adoptive mother pled guilty to killing her 2-year Russian-born daughter, just one more tragic incident which highlights why 1/adoptive parents should have more screening, not less and 2/adoptive parents must have compulsory training/education prior to allowing the child to join them.

Pretty harsh I know, but my experience and gut tells me that too many adoptive parents - even those with children already at home - are woefully unprepared to parent adopted children. Especially those who are older, come from orphanage environments, and who bring with them a history of abuse, neglect, malnutrition.

Too many APs are clueless and some of this has to fall on the adoption agency. How many times do we read on the egroups where parents with children newly home write wondering when the child will sleep through the night - and this is after 10 days?

Agencies who insist on education - and the best ones do - can easily find themselves at a disadvantage to those agencies promising fast, inexpensive adoptions. Afterall who wants to wait 6-12 months with mandatory classes with Agency A when Agency B promises the moon instead?

If you're a prospective adoptive parent, seek out the agencies that offer classes, training, what have you. It will help you define and focus your journey and ultimately make you a far better parent.

Ok, that's my rant. Now here's the amazing part of our program. Crank up the music and prepare to be astounded.

This ain't your Grandma's Spinning Plate act on the Ed Sullivan Show

Teen Moms Who Parent Their Babies

We hear much about how hard it is to raise a baby alone and/or with few resources. Here's an article about a few teen married mom in Korea and their struggle.

Teen married mothers grope for identity

More on Toby Dawson

Looks like someone has stepped forward believing he is Toby's biological father.

Korean Claims to Be Biological Father of US Olympic Medalist

There is some resemblance. But only DNA will tell for sure.

Ok, I'm not proud of this, but ...

I happen to adore "bad celebrity plastic surgery" - it just makes me feel a whole lot better about myself at 51, since (honestly) I look better at 51 than a lot of pop-eyed, tight-faced, botoxed celebs do at 40. (Although I do flirt from time to time with a little under-eye and mini-neck lift.)

I'll buy the National Enquirer everytime they run one of these issues. (Check out last week's issue, it's a doozy.)

I have a new favorite website - Awful Plastic Surgery.

Hope you enjoy this time waster as much as I do!

And how about Hines Ward?

Not an adoption story, but a different take on traditional Korean views on lineage.

From The Korean Herald - Editorial.

[EDITORIAL]Xenophobia on spotlight

Toby Dawson - Two Media Takes - US & Korean

Are you following Toby Dawson's exciting Olympic work? I thought you'd find these 2 articles of interest. One is from MSNBC, the other from The Korea Times.

From Orphan to Olympian
Adjusting to the American way wasn't always easy for Toby Dawson

US Skier Seeks Korean Parents

In many ways, she was the mother to us all...

For women of a certain age, Betty Friedan was one of the most amazing, spectacular revolutionaries of the day. She galvanized a generation of women, myself included. Many of the civil rights women take for granted today came, in large part, because of Betty and her vision.

Rest well, Betty.
And thank you.

Dry Ear Wax - It's a gene thing

There's no question by two kidlets from Korea came to me with dry, flaky ear wax. Very common in Asian populations. (Piper had a truly spectacular build up as a toddler. The kind doctors talk about amongst themselves. The kind that can keep a kid from hearing well.

That's when I got the ear "scoop."

I have a Korean-type ear scoop thing that I use to keep the kids' ears clean. Very gently and not deep. And while it may be an Asian thing, my eldest daughter has it, too, so she gets scooped from time to time, also.

UPDATE! You can get your very own ear scoop at Dr. Leondards! Click the banner and do a search for ear scoop.



In any case, here's an interesting article about the whole deal - and it comes down to a single gene.

Read more about it here...

Gene found that determines type of earwax

And now for something completely different.

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but I don't want ANYONE but my kid's doctor checking his "pepper" ...

Penis-Pinching Teacher Fined W5 Million

Another Reason for Adoption?

Not sure what to think or make of this situation at all. My children became available for adoption because their unmarried birthmoms were in an untenable situation. This? I just don't know...

New Immigration Strategy: Koreans Send Children to America for Adoption

For such a smart county, how did we get so stupid?

Okay, another rant from the "are you shitting me?" department...

Got a call from the school nurse that my eldest needed some Advil for cramps. (Stupidity #1 - with a well-meaning zero drug policy in place, teenaged girls with cramps can't keep Advil in their backpacks. I can't give the school nurse a bottle of Advil with my kid's name on it. I have to get a doctor's note so that the nurse can give my kid 2 Advil. When I was in middle school, I carried my own Midol. (Not that it did any good, but it was reasonable.)

Okay, here's my big Stupidity #2. Bring daughter her Advil. I told her to give the medicine about 15-20 minutes to take effect. I asked the nurse if she had a hot water bottle my daughter could have for a little while.

Now get this

Nurse: "We can't do hot. We can only do cold."

Me: :: silent :: You can only do cold. You can't do hot. So if my kid sprained something, you could do cold. But if heat were indicated, you couldn't do anything.

Nurse: Yes, that's right.

Me: Nothing hot.

Nurse: Yes.

Me: How about hot tea?

Nurse: No, we can't do that either.

(No tea? When I was a little girl back in the lame-o, we didn't know anything 60s and 70s, thr school nurse always had tea brewing. It was magic and comforting.)

So tell me ... when did we all get so incredibly stupid?

I left my kid at school to manage 15 minutes without a little extra help of a simple hot water bottle. I guess next time, I'll have to bring that, too ... and a doctor's note.

The Dark Side of Adoption

From USA Today ...

Underground network moves children from home to home

If this article points to anything, it's that adoptive parents need and should be required to have specific training/education prior to their child's arrival and for some time after.

I hear from some prospective parents, and certainly monitor enough adoption boards to know, that too many of these well-meaning people DON'T HAVE A FREAKING CLUE about what they're getting ready to take on and it's the children who continue to suffer, over and over again.

Asian-Americans - The Next Generation

From Time Magazine ... not about adopted Korean-Americans, but it does have a lot to say about the experience of Asian-Americans who feel betwixt and between cultures and expectations.

Between Two Worlds
Born in the U.S.A. to Asian Parents, a Generation of Immigrants' Kids Forges a New Identity

Where are all the Indian Girls?

Disturbing article on yet one more reason for the growing "girl-deficit" on the Asian continent.

India's 'girl deficit' deepest among educated